she was so not down for the gang bang
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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