dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize