You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We need to rekindle our bromance
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize