he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
barbara walters just said penis...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He has the fingertips of a God
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