This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
