Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
