i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
