You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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