you turned your livingroom into a bong?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize