a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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