I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
