just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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