he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
