she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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