You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
