I wish I could teleport
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
