so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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