the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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