i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
