I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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