yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
