that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
