I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
