I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
