Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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