I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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