There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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