So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
