ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
