Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
