i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
