after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
