these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
