so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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