To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
