Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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