Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
