Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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