If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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