I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
