People with herpes should wear stickers.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
