So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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