break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
