i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
