i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
