you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
