seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
