I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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