Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
