i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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