what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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